Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Okay, first things first. Husbands, I do NOT suggest you show this to your wives with a, "SEE, God says it!" attitude. Make sure you are doing YOUR role in the marriage before you take that on.
Christian wives, listen up. And those who want to be wives someday. (If you are not a Christian, this won't make any sense to you, but you still might get something out of it. ) I have some things to say that you probably won't like. Oh well. God says it, He tells me to write it and so I do. Take it up with Him if you don't like it. See how far you get.
If you'd like to read a FASCINATING survey of 400 men, go to the website below *. You can become a member for free in order to read the survey. But for this particular blog I'm going to use one question they asked:

Think about what these two negative experiences would be like: to feel alone and unloved in the world OR to feel inadequate and disrespected by everyone. If you were forced to choose one, which would you prefer? Would you rather feel...? {Choose One Answer}

Respondents Who Answered Question: 400
Alone And Unloved: 73.8%
Inadequate And Disrespected: 26.3%
Total: 100%

Wives, did you READ that??? Do you realize that your husband most likely wants RESPECT from you most of all? Now, what does God's Word say? "Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord." Ephesians 5:22 NASU
Here's a head's up, ladies. You are in direct DISOBEDIENCE to God if you are not subject to your husband. What does subject mean?
  1. to arrange under, to subordinate
  2. to subject, put in subjection
  3. to subject one's self, OBEY
  4. to submit to one's control
  5. to yield to one's admonition or advice
  6. to obey, be subject
A Greek military term meaning "to arrange [troop divisions] in a military fashion under the command of a leader". In non-military use, it was "a voluntary attitude of giving in, cooperating, assuming responsibility, and carrying a burden"
YOU ARE NOT IN CHARGE. YOU are not the one who gets to call the shots. YOU are not the one who gets to make all the decisions. YOU are NOT to rule OVER your husband. You are NOT the one GOD has put in control.
So, some of you are saying, "But he's not doing it!" Or, "He doesn't do it the right way." Or, "He's too lazy to do it."
Listen VERY carefully. IT IS NOT YOUR JOB TO FIX HIM!!!!!!!! Ladies, if I could shout this to you, I would. It is GOD'S job to fix your husband. GET OUT OF HIS WAY! He WILL run you over if He has to. It is NOT a pretty sight. For the sake of your marriage, your children and YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH CHRIST, give him to GOD. Did you realize that disrespecting your husband as the head of your household is keeping you from being closer to Christ??? It's sin and sin keeps us from growing in Christ. It's that simple.
The Holy Spirit is the ONLY One who can change hearts. You, dear ladies, are NOT Him. Say it out loud...I'M NOT GOD.
The survey results tell me something. They tell me one of the biggest reasons WHY marriages are dying. I know so many marriages where the wife is the head of the household. She is the one who manipulates things to get her own way. She is the one who whines or nags or cries about what she wants until the husband gives in. Now, the husband has a role in all of this which is addressed in Scripture pretty strongly. Being a woman, it is not my place to take that one on. Maybe my hubby will. ;-)
Women, if you are nagging your husband you are WRONG in the sight of God. If you are manipulating your husband to get your way, you are WRONG. If you are not letting HIM be the one in charge, you are wrong. You are ALSO wrong if you tear him down in front of others. You are wrong to say negative things about him to your children which tear him down in their precious little eyes. Snide remarks count here! You are WRONG to use those same beautiful children against your husband, ESPECIALLY to get your way. You are wrong to try to be the one who rules the roost.
God says in Genesis 3:16, "Yet your desire will be for your husband, And he will rule over you." NASU
Desire here has several meanings. In this context, it means:
1. desire, longing, craving
2. of beast to devour
This is the SAME usage of the original Greek word in this Scripture: Genesis 4:7
"If you do well, will not your countenance be lifted up? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door; and its desire is for you, but you must master it."

Do you GET it? Your wanting to have your way is SIN wanting to have ITS way in your marriage. You are letting SIN and satan have your marriage. You are ALLOWING sin to take over. You are not allowing your husband to be in control and therefore are getting in the way of GOD! Who do you THINK is going to win THAT battle? Let me tell's not YOU.
Is it easy? Not by a long shot. No battle against sin is. Thanks to Eve, this is something EVERY wife deals with in one form or another. But is it something we HAVE to battle against for our marriages.
Let me give you a few things you can do to start the process.
1. GET ON YOUR KNEES BEFORE GOD - nothing gets us more prepared for being under our husband's authority than being under God's first and foremost. He called us to it, ladies. He will get us through it. During that time on your knees PRAY FOR YOUR HUSBAND. Pray for a softened heart if you have a critical spirit. Pray for your husband to desire God's will for your lives. Pray for your husband to long for God first and foremost.
2. GIVE HIM A COMPLIMENT - TELL that man you love how proud of him you are, and let your kids hear you say it. I can pretty much guarantee you will see a huge smile on his face. If you see him get a confused look, then you know you have a LOT of work to do in building that man up! You've done some damage and God will work in you to fix it!
3. SUPPORT HIS DECISIONS - even if you don't agree with them. You two are not the same person. You are both individuals, BUT respecting him and being subject to him means you follow what HE says not what you want. We do that with God and our lives work out MUCH better for it. This doesn't mean you keep your opinions to yourself. God doesn't tell us to be a doormat. BUT He wants us to respect the authority structure He's given us. I am free to tell my husband I disagree with him on something. Sometimes I give him a perspective which he didn't think of himself. That may change his mind. Other times his mind is set and that's fine. I've voiced my opinion and I trust God enough that He'll take care of me. I trust my husband as well, that he loves me as Christ loves the church. Again, that gets into the husband's role in all of this. :-) If you don't trust God or your husband then you have MUCH deeper issues to work on!
4. LOVE HIM THE WAY CHRIST WOULD - that means ALL of him. Not just the things you LIKE about him. Christ loved your husband enough the way he is to die for him. Your husband is the man you promised God you would love forever. That means something to God and it should mean something to you. DON'T TRY TO CHANGE HIM. If you want to destroy a marriage fast, go ahead and think you can change that man. You don't have the power. Give it up and let God. He's MUCH better at it.
There is so much to this. I wish I could sit down with all of you and explain just how crucial it is to get this right.
For those who are in abusive heart breaks for you. Know that God sees you and loves you more than you can imagine. That is not the kind of relationship I'm discussing here. That's another situation entirely.
If you want to be divorced, keep doing things the way you've been doing them. Allow your own desire for control to keep you from the fulfilling life and marriage God wants for you. If you want an abundant marriage full of joy and happiness, do it God's way. It's more than worth the fight. I know. :-) I have one of those great marriages and I wish it for all of you.
*Survey used from the book, "For Women Only" by Shaunti Feldhahn The professional survey was designed with the guidance of Chuck Cowan of Analytic Focus (, the former chief of survey design at the U.S. Census Bureau. The survey was conducted by Decision Analyst ( and was designed to deliver a random, representative, national sample of 400 men (the sample size suggested by Chuck Cowan) who were heterosexual, lived within the U.S., and were between the ages of 21 and 75. (copied from website I HIGHLY recommend it and it's companion book, "For Men Only" written by the same author and her husband Jeff.


Kelly said...

Isn't it interesting how Paul told husbands to love their wives, but to the wives he said to honor their husbands. It's easy for a woman to love a man, but to respect him? That takes effort. God knows how we're made!

Robin Caroll said...

You know, I led a study on this exact theme not too long ago. One of the things that is so misinterpreted is this particular Scripture, because men when quoting to their wives leave it off and don't address it. And I focused on it for my study. "Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord." Ephesians 5:22, pay attention to the last part....AS TO THE LORD. My "job" as a Christian wife is to be subject to my husband, unless it goes against what I know to be Scripturally true (ex. the whole "swinging" marriage bit--I KNOW that's against Scripture, so even if my husband ORDERED me to comply, I'd refuse) But read on in that chapter...I'm to be submissive to my husband, but HE is subject to the Lord as head of our household. Did you get that? The husband is the spiritual head of the household, and each decision he makes for the family is subject to God. Wow. Think about THAT responsibility. Wives have to answer to husbands, but husbands have to answer to God. How huge must that responsibility be for our husbands? We're to be submissive to a mere human, a mortal. Yet husbands are to be submissive to God. Isn't that an eye opener? As Christians, we're all to be submissive to God, but a husband's role is twicefold in that he's not only accountable for his own submissiveness to God, but every decision he makes as head of the house. That's pretty big, imho. But that's not to say we aren't to voice our opinions, have open discussions, and pray as a couple over issues before a decision is made. Me? I kinda like not having the huge responsibility to be submissive over every decision for my entire household. I'll be submissive unto my husband and pray for the Holy Spirit's leading in his decisions, because I'd sure hate to have to bear the responsibility husbands face on a daily basis!

Lily Sue said...

I'm sending this link to Lora....she has a very difficult time being subjected for one of the very reasons you mentioned.....Jim doesn't lead, and when he does, it's with the wrong attitude and control. This is a perfect blog for pointing out that God is the only One who can 'fix' people and hearts. I enjoy your blog. I haven't written in mine much lately-but you're welcome to go there when you get a chance. and