Wednesday, August 16, 2006

It's been a hard month. Actually, it started in the middle of June, but we'll get to that later. :-)

Two weeks ago we got a call that a dear friend had died, suddenly, of a heart attack. Mel was only 57, and as one person described at his funeral, a sparkplug. Appropriate. The man lived life to it's fullest and didn't stop. He never wanted to miss an experience making family along the way. The funeral last week was packed. I've never been to one before where they had to put chairs in the church foyer to accomodate all the people. But Mel went home leaving his wife and daughter to grieve and struggle through the "why".

One day after that funeral we got the call that my husband's grandfather passed away. A blessing, though we grieve. Granddaddy was suffering from many different things, but primarily an amputation done in April from which the doctors didn't expect him to survive. He was in great pain for a long time and blessedly went Home in his sleep. That funeral was Friday.

On Monday of this week my dad called letting me know he was on the way to the hospital with my mom being taken in an ambulance. She had had another stroke more severe than the first one. We didn't know what the results were going to be, but I called out the prayer warriors. :-) God is good and Mom should be coming home today with little residual damage.

Three weeks ago we made a difficult decision to follow God in obedience and leave our church of six years. This is just as much like the grief of death as there are many there whom we love dearly. But we have a choice in what God calls us to do in obedience or face the consequences. We're not real keen on the consequences so we obeyed.

Now, for what started back in June. Many of you don't know yet, and I'll find out who reads the blog and who doesn't :-), but I'm 14 weeks pregnant with our third little surprise bundle. Yes, for those who know me well, it was another surprise. I DO know how these things work, but I've always said God is the One in charge of all of this. If He wants me to have another it won't matter what I do to prevent it. I'm getting to the okay point. Past the shock and numbness. Well into the sickness and tiredness. :-)

The hard part about this? Many reasons really, but I got news yesterday from the OB that they are going to consider the pregnancy high risk due to a fibroid tumor attatched to my uterus. NO panic necessary. :-) The tumor is non-cancerous. It's the size of a large orange and makes me look/feel more preggo than I actually am. Clothes don't fit so I'm in the between stages of looking fat, but not quite pregnant. :-) Gotta love it.

What's the point of all this? People keep saying, "You poor thing!" about any one of these issues. When they hear about ALL of them I think they expect me to be a puddle on the floor. I'm not. I'm tired, as a dear friend told me God's been laying on her heart, but emotionally I'm fine. I'm not worried about my mom, nor fretting over my loses so dear. Nor am I worried about being classified as high risk with the baby. Why not? Because this is where the faith rubber hits the road.

Either I truly believe that this life is NOT my own to control or even fret about or I don't. I either believe God is truly in control, with all the details at His disposal for making the decisions, or I don't. From my daughter's surgery (which went fantastically well, thanks for the prayers) to my newest bundle's safety, I have NO control over any of it. And I'm FINE with that. :-) I feel like I'm passing the test somehow. I'm at peace with all that's going on around me because I'm at peace with HIM.

Phillippeans 4:11 became one of my theme verses a few years ago. I'm not going to print it here because you should read it for yourself. If you know anything about Paul's life you know mine is CAKE in comparison. But when he can say these words with a joy in his heart...who am I to be otherwise?

One lesson out of this past month or two. Life is short. There is NO time for grudges or unforgiveness to be allowed to fester. You have NO idea when your last breath will be and are not guaranteed another. How do you want to face Christ when you are taken Home? I don't want to be explaining any of that mess being harbored in my heart. Do you?